{"id":1363,"date":"2022-11-30T18:18:19","date_gmt":"2022-11-30T16:18:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/soaringwords.dops.digital\/?p=1363"},"modified":"2022-11-30T18:18:19","modified_gmt":"2022-11-30T16:18:19","slug":"theres-a-rhinoceros-in-the-living-room","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/theres-a-rhinoceros-in-the-living-room\/","title":{"rendered":"There\u2019s a Rhinoceros in the Living Room"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"border: none; overflow: hidden;\" src=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/video.php?height=314&amp;href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FSoaringwords%2Fvideos%2F572408997710890%2F&amp;show_text=false&amp;width=560&amp;t=0\" width=\"560\" height=\"314\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recently, I heard someone use the expression, \u201cThere\u2019s a rhinoceros in the living room that <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">wrecked EVERYTHING and everyone is pretending it is a coffee table!\u201d This idea illustrates the way we can often be in denial of a big, rhinoceros-sized problem\u2014even if it\u2019s staring right at us. It also reminds me of the curious fairy tale The Emperor Has No Clot<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">hes. This fable of the naked royal illustrates just how far the mind can go to deny things. In fact, the fairytale brilliantly shows how adults can often wrap themselves in layers of denial until they can no longer see what\u2019s right under their noses. It\u2019s not surprising in the story that it takes an innocent child to blurt out the obvious fact that the pompous, haughty emperor is prancing through the streets without wearing a stitch of clothing!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The feeling of denial originates from an adaptive place where our brain is just trying to be helpful by lessening the initial impact of a trauma. In this way, according to experts at the Mayo Clinic, \u201cbeing in denial gives your mind the opportunity to unconsciously absorb shocking or distressing information at a pace that won\u2019t send you into a psychological tailspin.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, STAYING in this place of denial is not a healthy or helpful long-term strategy. Chipping away at denial\u2014acknowledging the rhinoceros in the room\u2014helps us to live life as our truest, most authentic selves. As we travel through each year, our grief, loss, or trauma can shift in subtle or obvious ways. Being \u201copen to being open\u201d allows us to experience all of our feelings and move through them. Anniversaries and holidays are universal triggers that can bring our disappointments, loss, or challenges to the foreground.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What happened to me this year was markedly different than in the past. I started experiencing mini crying jags in early October. <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hmmm, that\u2019s strange<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, I thought, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing\u2019s wrong<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. But my body sensed that the calendar was approaching October 8, which would have been my younger brother Gary\u2019s 60th birthday. Instead, in 1998, he died of an asthma-induced heart attack at age 35. While walking through Central Park, I was deeply moved as the Autumn leaves shifted from green to red, orange, amber, and yellow. Intellectually I appreciated that nothing had actually changed. Gary was still <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">physically<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> no longer with me. Yet, I sensed the deep sadness of the loss of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">what could have been. <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I mourned what our lives would have been like if Gary was physically still alive instead of existing as a deeply held presence in my heart and consciousness. I walked my way through this painful time, grabbing onto some proven tools which fortify me. <\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was as self-compassionate as possible to both the little-girl Lisa and also the adult Lisa who fiercely loves her brother. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I shared my feelings with close friends and my therapist, who listened and validated my experience. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I took many warm baths.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I cried when the tears appeared without trying to rationalize them away or stuff them into a deep recess of my consciousness. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As the Autumn leaves were creating vibrant rainbow canopies throughout the park, I simply felt my feelings and kept walking. As I began the second lap around the Great Lawn, I noticed the 800-pound rhinoceros galloping away, receding into the horizon, at least for the time being.  <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m sending you strength and love.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Soaringwords is the power to heal<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lisa<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Recently, I heard someone use the expression, \u201cThere\u2019s a rhinoceros in the living room that wrecked EVERYTHING and everyone is pretending it is a coffee table!\u201d This idea illustrates the way we can often be in denial of a big, rhinoceros-sized problem\u2014even if it\u2019s staring right at us. It also reminds me of the curious [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1364,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[57,50,54,56],"tags":[71,32,29],"class_list":["post-1363","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-mental-health","category-mind-body-well-being","category-stories","tag-denial","tag-grief","tag-mental-health"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1363","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1363"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1363\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1365,"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1363\/revisions\/1365"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/media\/1364"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1363"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1363"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/soaringwords.org\/api\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1363"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}