Are You a Character Assassin or Character Defender?

Published: January 30, 2023
Category: Mental HealthMind/Body Well-Being

 

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Are you a character assassin or a character defender? 

Do you spend your time obsessing about your character defects until you pulverize your sense of self worth into a pulp? If you are highly skilled at being self-critical, today I am happy to suggest a small yet profound shift that will help you view your supposed character defects as character defenses. Here’s a simple way to look at the situation with more objectivity instead of judging yourself harshly.

Think of a recent experience where you were being hard on yourself. Now, I invite you to look at this situation as if it was happening to someone else. For example, if you were late for an important meeting because you were stuck in traffic, imagine how you would comfort another person who was in this predicament. What would you say to them to help them feel better? Here’s another example: you just returned home from the grocery store and forgot to buy the one ingredient that your roommate asked you to add to the shopping list. For both of these examples, simply put a close friend into the situation and imagine what you would think or say to them. Chances are you wouldn’t be as critical or harsh to them like you may be when judging yourself for these same things. Tal Ben-Shahar, one of my Positive Psychology rock star friends and mentors talks about giving yourself PERMISSION to BE HUMAN. When we recognize and appreciate just how PERFECTLY imperfect we truly are, it allows us to extend the same kind of empathy that we have for others  to ourselves. And that makes the setbacks and mistakes a lot more tolerable.

I’m sending you strength and love.

Soaringwords is the power to heal. 

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